Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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