I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
