it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
