im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
