hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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