I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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