I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
