im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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