i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want nice things and good sex
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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