Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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