The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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