it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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