I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
