plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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