i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
