No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
