My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
