I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it was like eating out sand paper
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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