Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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