Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
