Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
