Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
