so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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