i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
