It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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