Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
