And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
