Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
