Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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