He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
