would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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