So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
