told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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