i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
