im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I did not marry a roomba.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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