oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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