Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
