Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
