Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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