I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
