Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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