And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
