oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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