So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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