No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
