So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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