My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
