Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize