Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize