just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
