I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
