so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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