The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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