he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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