his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
