Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
