god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
