let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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