Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
