I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
