is your mom at the bar?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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