Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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