Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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