You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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