The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
