i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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