There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize