yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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