u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
