I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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