There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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