Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
