I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
