He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
