Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it was like eating out sand paper
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
