i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
